Infants and budget flightsApril 25, 2016

Next weekend we fly again.
It’s only been a few weeks since our last trip and so the memory is fresh. Every parent hopes their child will sleep, we’ve learnt to know better. Luckily our flight is usually under the 3 hour mark, but sleep is not on his radar. Our flights with an infant are now in double digits, and our hours stuffed into the cramped seat with a child on our knees begin to tally.

We fly budget, that means no seat for the under 2’s and no hand luggage for them either, just a pushchair you leave at the door, then a spare life-vest and seatbelt placed into your overfull hands as you board. It’s worth noting that the premium seats are not always available to you either as wing seats can not be occupied by the accompanying adults, however you do get priority boarding freely if you wish to use it.

I’ve learnt a few bits that make things a touch smoother. Any time you are crammed into a small seat with a child on your knee, be it on a plane or a bus, you’ll be blessing any preparation you do.

1. Check in the car-seat early but keep the pushchair
If your child is old enough to sit in the pushchair proper then walk in with the car-seat attached and ask to check it in early. You then have a pushchair to carry your bags and sometimes your child but without the weight or restrictiveness of the car-seat.

2. If you have assigned seats board late
Originally priority boarding for families with young children ensured they could get well placed seats together, now more and more budget airlines are giving assigned seats. If your seats are set you have no benefit from getting in early, it’s actually just more time you need to limit the movement of your child.

3. Use lightly packed small hand luggage
Pop the coats overhead and keep everything else at your feet, it’s much easier to access and if you move your child will want to follow. Overstuffed bags are really hard to get items in and out of, aim to have your bag three quarters full at most. Take half a packet of wet wipes and limit the number of bulky items like nappies and spare clothes.

5. Prepare your snacks
Snack pots already prepared with familiar things are best. Pre-chopped soft fruit and other wet items are usually our favourite. The plane is dry, keep the water cup topped up and offer it regularly. Buy a bottle of water on-board if necessary. We also always buy our ‘Adult’ food in duty free because it’s both cheaper and usually comes in resealable containers.

6. Carefully select your toys
Toys are probably the hardest thing to decide upon. We are blessed with a bookworm, but fine motor skills like threading work really well too. Using phones/tablets to play games or video’s are ok but beware the sound volume will need to be high. Generally speaking noisy toys, anything bulky and things with wheels don’t work so well. 6-7 items is our usual for any journey.

7. Let them walk
Even if your child doesn’t walk unaided, or at all, walking up and down the plane is a lovely way to let them wriggle a bit and stretch your own legs that have had their weight on them. Usually fellow passages are friendly and will engage little ones well. Free entertainment score!

8. Use free seats
This one is cheeky but worth doing. If you notice a row of free seats near you move there with your child. Other passengers often try to do this to lay down for sleep. If you are bold you can ask the staff if there are free rows of seats or if you are sharing a row you can hint to the other occupants and they may move instead!

9. Use the window
Isle side for movement or window side can be a close call if it’s just 2 or you travelling. Window side is better for the toddler as the view will usually fascinate them during take-off and landing when they are strapped in place. It’s also better for breastfeeding and more protective for a tiny one. That said, night flights and new walkers will probably be better isle side so they can easily stretch their legs.

10. Play the infant card
Lots of places have provisions and wavers for small children. Some airports have family friendly waiting areas with carpet and toys, some cultures wave parents with young children to the front of lines in both retail and customs. If asked politely most travellers will be happy to add 30 seconds to their journey to let you through. While it can feel awkward you need to swallow your hesitations and just gush appreciation.

All for a bunch of DaffodilsMarch 12, 2016

I saw them selling daffodils, huddled behind a bucket of posies, out in the gathering dusk on the Saturday evening. The yellow heads bobbed their strangely distinctive shapes, flooding my memory with images of Mothering Sunday. “Buy me some daffodils” I murmured, buy me some daffodils for tomorrow is mothers day. It wasn’t, I was a week early, it didn’t matter, nobody celebrates it here anyway. It was my right of passage though, it was my honour to be honoured, it was something I’d delighted in as a child, squirmed over as a teen, endured as a childless adult. I stopped the party and had them buy me daffodils.

Part of the joys of living in a different country is getting to share in their celebrations, but part of the sorrow is sometimes needing to let go of your own. We have a wonderful opportunity as parents to chose which celebrations we will encourage our child to join in with, which celebrations our foreign status will allow us to downplay and which we will ‘import’ with us. This chance to really asses the events you have always taken as given is a great eye opener.

For the first few years I imported the delight of bonfire night. I told the story of a failed explosion and watched the murky autumn air fill with vivid colour. It was a physical marker of autumn for me that I had adored, but as time passes I’m less eager to continue. As time passes the defence for keeping a tradition can easily erode. Easter and Christmas traditions stand firmer in my head, but Mothering Sunday simply wasn’t on the radar until recently. Locally March 8th (International Women’s day) is like valentines and mothers day rolled into one. This year the real date for mothering Sunday was only 2 days different, I foresee this celebration being one I need to let go.

If I’m totally honest with myself part of me is glad. While the celebration is a great thing it’s not without it’s bitterness. I’ve stood amongst the barren and bereaved, I’ve held the hands of those who never found a partner and seen the uncomfortable hesitation on faces that don’t know if they should be giving flowers. I’ve seen the faces of youngsters vie over their better gifts and mothers boast over receiving them. Yes it’s their honour, yes it’s their pride, but pride goes both ways. If I’m totally honest with myself I’d prefer tulips or roses but I suppose that’s besides the point!

The big screenFebruary 20, 2016

It’s not extravagant

and it’s not extravagant

That’s the conversation that circled my head for months, ney years. It’s a conversation that I’m sure many whose lives are funded, even in part, by generosity rather than companies have had millions of times. It’s the uncertainty between funding items you need and items you want. It’s why church leaders with expensive cars set alarm bells off in our heads, it’s the thin line between provide and squander.

We’d looked and dreamed and placed our dreams away again so many times.

Did we always need to agonise like this? Where is the line drawn, how do you mark the sand and feel confident the wind will not shift it into unacceptability? How do you separate the reward for your work, your tent-making and you mission? How do you deem something an ordinary need rather than an unnecessary splurge?

For us the conversation rotated round one item, an object that you will find in almost any house you enter, a television. When we first married we lived in a borrowed flat with a TV, since moving out, approaching 4 years ago, we’ve made do with tv through Zeljko’s computer, using catch-up and streaming services. Apart from the news and international sports events, it almost became a boast that there wasn’t one in our house. Time was not squandered channel hopping and wasted hours carved of advert breaks were not part of our lives. Then Adam ended up watching his beloved ‘Bing Bunny’ on my little tablet because Zeljko was working, and touch screens and toddlers…need I say more. So, with a wall bracket at shoulder level the new tv sits on the wall. The voice that told me it wasn’t extravagant won.

As mission turns from temporary into permanent your needs evolve, it’s a natural but challenging experience. Many people on mission live knowing there is an end date in sight, it flavours their friendships, peppers their conversations and fuels their drive forwards.

Living in a state of temporary is unhealthy for so many reasons, and yet we passivly, if not actively, encourage our oversees volunteers to do just that.

While having an end date can be useful it can also be really harmful, especially when it comes to building a home. We berate missionaries who indulge luxuries, pennies must be accounted for and generous blessings eked out as far as possible. For short-term-ers this is logical, why would they invest in objects they can’t bring back, why can’t they do without and bask in the luxury of homes normality when they return. But long-term-ers know the return is so far away, if it’s ever coming. They need the ordinary ‘luxuries’ to build their present ‘home reality’, just as much anyone else needs theirs. Shouldn’t keeping them in check, at a relevant level for the community you are in, and generally being frugal be all that’s should be demanded?