Raising a ForeignerJune 30, 2018
I sat in the maternity ward watching the other mothers fuss over their new charges. Some were questioning everything, so unsure of themselves. They fretted, all of them. Fretted about feeding, burping, the rest of the family, the visits, the suddenly unfamiliar body shells, mostly the new life they had produced. I fretted too, I fretted about the delay this late delivery and yet another day in the hospital would cost, about losing a visa and having my beautiful boy being separated from one of his parents.
Every stage of parenthood has fears attached but there are some extra special ones for those of us who combine cultures. We fear that the language our child speaks will be a barrier to their relatives, that our parenting choices will be batted between conflicting medical experts and cultural expectation, that our child will not have a change to embrace our culture, that they will grow up feeling torn between worlds that could have been theirs.
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Let us prayJune 8, 2018
I love prayer, I love to dive into prayer, immerse myself under the water and allow my body to sink just a little before resurfacing. But deep prayer needs time to develop, to root and to grow, even neglected it pulls on that deep history of relationship and tension of understanding.
One of the biggest regrets I have is that I do not have a regular church family for Adam. I have breathed prayers over his sleeping form in the crib, I held my conversations with my creator in the moments when his attention was elsewhere, I ached for him to know the love of a God who, in hindsight, I barely introduced him to.
So how do you introduce and foster a prayer life in a toddler or preschooler without going hyper spiritual overnight? Asking a child to talk to an invisible power who will watch over them can seem a little intimidating. Mostly you dig the soil, till the ground and wait for God to plant the seed.
Here are my 8 starting points.
1. Inform them. Say what you are going to do, expand if they ask questions. If preschoolers sense something is important to you they will take it more seriously over time.
2. Read books. I’ve been deliberate about reading the christian books we had, it took off most at Christmas but the kids bible is one of the regular options for him at bedtime and it being a real story means he was drawn to the different style.
3. Explain religious holidays. We followed the the holy week journey this year for the second time and we loved it – the biggest difference was that we could explain what each days activities linked to. (I will write up how we linked this to extra preschool activities next Lent for those wanting to join in)
4. Say grace. I grew up saying the simplest grace I know. That grace is now said every time our family sits at the table. It’s easy to learn, it’s easy to memorise, and it’s easy to say real fast.
Thank you Jesus for this food. Amen
5. Begin bedtime prayers. Adam sits next to me or on my lap for our story-time and I keep him there a few seconds longer, holding his hands together for our brief prayers. We thank the Lord for the good things about our day and ask for a good night sleep. Slowly we are thanking God for his good gifts to us and introducing our own needs. We are moving towards recognising God and bringing our praises to him.
6. Do one thing consistently, solo if necessary, to form a routine. Pray the prayer out loud even if they don’t. I prayed with Adam for weeks until one day I forgot to add a thanks for playing with a certain friend, he couldn’t resist adding it between “in Jesus name” and “Amen”.
7. Start with Jesus, his character is much more relate-able to young children. Adam calls bibles Jesus books and I’m not correcting him. The first bible stories have sad endings, Adam and Eve are thrown out, the world is flooded, people are pushed away from friends at babel, Joseph is sold and jailed and Moses is thrown into a river.
8. Work backwards. Decide what kind of spiritual life you’d like to be sharing with your child and then plan steps to that goal. Do you want to aim for family devotionals? Scripture memorisation? Exclude time spent in church from this equation – because it’s a different environment.
Here was one of his first solo prayer times –
Mummy: Do you want to say the prayers tonight?
Adam: Yeah
Mummy: Dear father God,
Adam: Thank you for a today playing outside with my friends. Thank you for the rain that makes plants grow like strawberries. Thank you for the rain that makes plants grow big and tall so we can have a picnic. In Jesus name, Amen.
Photo by Artem Bali on Unsplash
The CallJanuary 3, 2018
I lay aside my years word of ‘invest’ with a heavy heart. I’ve not done with it yet, I’m not ready to move on, I’ve not mined it’s depth enough. Yet the year keeps moving and the date changes yet again and somehow I find looking back it’s message seeped into my marrow in a way I’d never expected. ‘Invest’ has lead me to dream of possibilities bigger, risk planting myself firmer, try laying some shaky foundation stones.
Often when we move on we are reluctant to let go because our hands feel empty. In our rush we fill fingers with things that so easily slipped out of grasp. My desk testifies to many a plan embarked upon hardheartedly whose remains litter hopes that one day they will be rescued. As a new year was about to dawn I had yet to choose a word that meant something deeper. Life felt routed but unproductive, I was struggling with the realisation that my language classes where slipping away, my site rarely updated, our nap-times gone I didn’t know how I’d get back into the work I felt drawn to complete. Evening drew and new years plans began around up when I received a donation to my site with an attached note:
Out of no coincidence, I found your site this morning. Praying this allows you to follow God’s call.
It came like a sledgehammer, had I risked losing the plot. I’d been so busy investing my time and energy and hopes in what life had thrown at me had let The Call that first drew me here fade. Yes, yes yes, it was still there, I was still ticking the boxes and striving to serve but not always as the primary drive. I’d disconnected from the whisper that had meandered through the stones of the old fortress as I felt my heart yearn for the city I surveyed, or the roar in the trains and planes and busy motorways that had deposited me onto the soil. My memory was dim to the music of an open heart as gathering after gathering had gently confirmed the heaven sent seed that I’d begun to nurture. Was it time and familiarity or had I placed so much weight upon continuing the journey I’d stopped listening for new directions.
This year I hope that God can rekindle the fire that I once felt so strong. This year I’m going to have my ‘phrase of the year’ be ‘the call‘. It’s not about going or doing or even speaking but a call to actively listen and dare to respond to what you hear. The call is simply something you hear, something you can’t control or direct or even anticipate. I didn’t think I wanted to change my focus from the inward investing but I’ll admit I’m getting rather excited. I’m no longer being called as someone who is in any way temporary, we are praying we have enough resources for a permanent visa, I’m a part of the fabric here now even if my pattern is somewhat unusual I’m bound by time and love and family.
They said, “We will call the girl, and ask her.” And they called Rebekah, and said to her, “Will you go with this man?” She said, “I will.”
Genesis 24:57-58